Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan
TV's prominent comedians devoted the broadcast ridiculing former President Donald Trump's just launched visa initiative, labeled the "golden visa," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.
Stephen Colbert's Witty Analysis
Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas jingle targeting the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins each thing he handles."
The subject was the controversial initiative which permits foreign individuals to buy U.S. legal status for an investment of a million dollars, or "platinum" version for $5 million. A government page guarantees processing "in record time."
"A quick thought for you to affluent immigrants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He explained that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, involving hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he added.
"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals completely qualify to be in America."
"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique
On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"It's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.
Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll numbers during financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.
Recently, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of food items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.
"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."
"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.